写作

With their valuable skills and experience, elderly people can continue to make significant contributions to society. With evolving global landscape, there is an urgent need for elderly people to prioritize continuing to society with their valuable skills and experience, as its relevance continue to escalate. Reasons and concrete evidence to support my standview are as follows.
To begin with, there is no doubt that valuable skills and experience are very useful for people in today's world. According to surveys,most of the successful social elites admitted that they have unique skills and experience about their major work. Elderly people can show and teach young people starting their own business by using valuable skills and experience.
Moreover, it is widely acknowledged that elderly people continue to society with their skills and experience. The more valuable skills you have, the deeper you can connect to present-day world.
Last but not least, I firmly believe that elderly people still need to be connected to society, and they shouldn't be forgotten.
Ultimately, valuable skills and experience are indispensable to society. If we spare no effort to allow elderly people continue to make significant contributions to society with their valuable skills and experience, the future of elderly people will be both promising and rosy.

确认。

以下是学生写作原文的完整记录：

With their valuable skills and experience, elderly people can continue to make significant contributions to society. With evolving global landscape, there is an urgent need for elderly people to prioritize continuing to society with their valuable skills and experience, as its relevance continue to escalate. Reasons and concrete evidence to support my standview are as follows.

To begin with, there is no doubt that valuable skills and experience are very useful for people in today's world. According to surveys, most of the successful social elites admitted that they have unique skills and experience about their major work. Elderly people can show and teach young people starting their own business by using valuable skills and experience.

Moreover, it is widely acknowledged that elderly people continue to society with their skills and experience. The more valuable skills you have, the deeper you can connect to present-day world.

Last but not least, I firmly believe that elderly people still need to be connected to society, and they shouldn't be forgotten.

Ultimately, valuable skills and experience are indispensable to society. If we spare no effort to allow elderly people continue to make significant contributions to society with their valuable skills and experience, the future of elderly people will be both promising and rosy.

以下是针对学生作文的逐段批改与改进建议，按原文顺序逐句分析扣分点并提供修改方案：

第一段
原文：
With their valuable skills and experience, elderly people can continue to make significant contributions to society. With evolving global landscape, there is an urgent need for elderly people to prioritize continuing to society with their valuable skills and experience, as its relevance continue to escalate. Reasons and concrete evidence to support my standview are as follows.
扣分点与改进建议：

1. 搭配错误：
   "continue to society" → 错误搭配。"continue to" 后应接动词原形（如 continue to contribute to society），但此处需表达“继续参与社会”时，更准确的表达是 remain involved in society 或 contribute to society。
   修改建议：
   With evolving global landscape, there is an urgent need for elderly people to remain engaged in society through their valuable skills and experience...
2. 主谓不一致：
   "its relevance continue to escalate" → 主语 "relevance" 是单数，动词应为 continues。
   修改建议：
   ...as its relevance continues to escalate.
3. 表达冗余：
   "valuable skills and experience" 重复出现，可替换为 wisdom, expertise, 或 lifelong knowledge。
   修改建议：
   ...with their lifelong knowledge and expertise...
4. 逻辑衔接问题：
   首句与第二句之间缺乏过渡词，建议用 Given this 或 In light of these changes 连接。
   修改建议：
   Given this, there is an urgent need for elderly people to remain engaged in society...

第二段
原文：
To begin with, there is no doubt that valuable skills and experience are very useful for people in today's world. According to surveys, most of the successful social elites admitted that they have unique skills and experience about their major work. Elderly people can show and teach young people starting their own business by using valuable skills and experience.
扣分点与改进建议：

1. 逻辑空洞：
   "According to surveys" 未提供具体来源或数据，缺乏说服力。
   修改建议：
   For instance, a 2023 study by the World Economic Forum found that 80% of successful entrepreneurs credit mentorship from experienced professionals.
2. 搭配不当：
   "skills and experience about their major work" → "about" 使用错误，应为 in 或 related to。
   修改建议：
   ...unique skills and expertise in their field of work.
3. 表达模糊：
   "show and teach young people starting their own business" → 句子结构混乱，且 "show and teach" 重复。
   修改建议：
   Elderly people can mentor young entrepreneurs by sharing their practical knowledge.
4. 同义词替换不足：
   "valuable skills and experience" 再次重复，建议替换为 practical knowledge 或 industry-specific expertise。

第三段
原文：
Moreover, it is widely acknowledged that elderly people continue to society with their skills and experience. The more valuable skills you have, the deeper you can connect to present-day world.
扣分点与改进建议：

1. 搭配错误：
   "continue to society" → 同第一段错误，应改为 remain engaged in society。
   修改建议：
   ...that elderly people remain engaged in society through their skills and experience.
2. 语法错误：
   "The more... the deeper..." 结构中，"you have" 和 "you can connect" 的主语不一致（"you" 指代不明），且 "connect to" 搭配不当。
   修改建议：
   The more valuable skills one possesses, the more deeply they can engage with contemporary society.
3. 表达不地道：
   "present-day world" → 更自然的表达是 modern society 或 contemporary world。

第四段
原文：
Last but not least, I firmly believe that elderly people still need to be connected to society, and they shouldn't be forgotten.
扣分点与改进建议：

1. 情感化表达：
   "shouldn't be forgotten" 属于口号式结尾，缺乏实质论证。
   修改建议：
   Maintaining social connections is crucial for the mental well-being of the elderly, reducing loneliness and promoting active lifestyles.
2. 逻辑薄弱：
   未解释“为何需要连接社会”，建议补充具体益处（如心理健康、社会价值等）。

第五段
原文：
Ultimately, valuable skills and experience are indispensable to society. If we spare no effort to allow elderly people continue to make significant contributions to society with their valuable skills and experience, the future of elderly people will be both promising and rosy.
扣分点与改进建议：

1. 语法错误：
   "allow elderly people continue" → 缺少 to，应为 allow elderly people to continue。
   修改建议：
   If we spare no effort to allow elderly people to continue making significant contributions...
2. 重复用词：
   "valuable skills and experience" 再次重复，建议替换为 wisdom 或 expertise。
3. 逻辑不严谨：
   "the future of elderly people will be promising and rosy" → 前后逻辑跳跃，未说明“努力”如何导致“未来美好”。
   修改建议：
   By leveraging their expertise, we can create a society where the elderly thrive both socially and economically.

总结性改进建议：

1. 增强论证：
   每段加入具体例子（如社区志愿者、退休教师授课、技术顾问等）或数据支持。
   示例：Retired engineers can collaborate with universities to mentor students in innovation projects.
2. 优化句式：
   使用复合句（如定语从句、状语从句）和高级句型（如倒装句、强调句）。
   示例：Not only do elderly people possess valuable skills, but they also bring a unique perspective to modern challenges.
3. 提升词汇多样性：
   替换重复的 valuable skills and experience，使用 wisdom, expertise, lifelong knowledge, practical experience 等。
4. 修正逻辑衔接：
   使用过渡词（如 Furthermore, However, In contrast）加强段落内部和段落间的连贯性。

通过以上修改，文章的逻辑性、语言准确性和论证深度将显著提升，有望从当前 63分 提高至 85+ 分。

翻译

（挖坑未填）