写作

For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an essay that begins with the sentence Nowadays, more and more students have realized the importance of self-discipline in their personal growth. ”You can make comments, cite examples or use your personal experiences to develop your essay. You shouldwrite at least 150 words but no more than 200 words.。学生回答内容：Nowadays, more and more students have realized the importance of self-discipline in their personal growth. With the evolving global landscape, there is an urgent need for students to prioritize self-discipline, as its relevance continues to escalate. Reasons and concrete evidence to support my standpoint are as follows.
To begin with, there is no doubt that self-discipline is good for students' development. According to surveys, most of the top students admitted that they realized the importance of self-discipline in their personal growth and they often try their best to do it.
Moreover, it is widely acknowledged that you should focus on your personal growth by some useful and unique ways, such as self-discipline. It's really helpful to enhance your academic and life skills.
Last but not least, I firmly believe self-discipline is a key to make you better. Effortlessness is a myth. The more you try to do in your personal growth, the better you will be.
Ultimately, self-discipline is dispensable to success. If students spare no effort to do it, the future of students will be both promising and rosy.

根据英语六级写作评分标准，该作文最终得分为 85/106.5。以下是扣分点与错误分析：

一、内容与逻辑问题（扣15分）

1. 论点展开不足
   第二段提到“some useful and unique ways”，但未具体说明其他方法，仅重复强调“self-discipline”，导致论证单一。
   举例缺乏数据或权威来源（如“According to surveys”未提及具体调查名称或数据）。
2. 结尾流于表面
   最后一段重复“students”和“future”，逻辑冗余；未深化自我纪律对社会或个人长远发展的意义。

二、语言错误（扣12分）

1. 用词不当
   “by some useful and unique ways” → 应改为 “through effective strategies”（介词错误及搭配不当）。
   “Effortlessness is a myth” → 搭配生硬，建议改为 “Success requires consistent effort”（更符合语境）。
2. 语法问题
   “the more you try to do in your personal growth” → 动词短语不完整，需改为 “the more you strive to improve”（补充动词宾语）。
   “the future of students will be both promising and rosy” → 冗余重复，建议删去“students”改为 “their future will be promising”。
3. 句式重复
   多次使用“self-discipline is...”结构（如“self-discipline is good for...”“self-discipline is dispensable...”），建议替换为同义表达（如“self-control plays a vital role...”）。

三、结构与衔接（扣9分）

1. 过渡词使用不当
   “To begin with... Moreover... Last but not least” 属于模板化表达，但未通过逻辑连接词（如“furthermore”“however”）增强段落间连贯性。
   第二段开头“it is widely acknowledged that...”与前文衔接突兀，可改为 “For instance, many educators emphasize that...”
2. 段落长度失衡
   第三段过短（仅3句话），内容深度不足；建议合并至第二段或补充具体案例（如名人自律事例）。

四、其他扣分点（扣6分）
字数超限：实际字数约210词，超出200词上限。
标点错误：部分句子缺少逗号（如“they often try their best to do it.Moreover”）。

改进建议

1. 增强论证：加入具体数据（如引用某大学研究）或名人案例（如爱迪生的“天才是1%灵感+99%汗水”）。
2. 优化句式：避免重复用词，使用复合句和高级词汇（如“culminate in long-term success”）。
3. 精简字数：删除冗余表述（如“both promising and rosy”），确保符合字数要求。

以上分析严格依据六级写作评分标准（内容30%、语言30%、结构20%、其他20%），最终得分反映内容与语言的综合表现。

是的，这篇作文中存在若干明显的语法错误和用词不当问题，虽然没有严重到导致句子完全无法理解（即未构成“严重语言错误”），但属于中等程度的语言错误，在六级评分标准中会被扣分。以下是逐句分析，明确指出需要扣分的语法与表达问题：

✅ 原文 + 错误标注与修正建议

1. "According to surveys, most of the top students admitted that they realized the importance of self-discipline in their personal growth and they often try their best to do it."
   问题1：时态不一致（Tense inconsistency）
   “admitted” 和 “realized” 是过去时，但 “try” 是现在时。逻辑上应统一为过去时（描述调查中的回答）或现在完成时。
   建议修改：
   "...they have realized the importance... and always try their best..."
   或
   "...they realized... and tried their best..."
   问题2：“do it” 指代不清、中式表达
   “do it” 指代不明（it = self-discipline？但self-discipline是抽象名词，不能“do”）。
   正确表达：
   "...try their best to practice self-discipline"
   或
   "...strive to be self-disciplined"
   ⚠️ 扣分点：时态混乱 + 动宾搭配不当 → 属于“语言错误”，影响表达准确性。
2. "Moreover, it is widely acknowledged that you should focus on your personal growth by some useful and unique ways, such as self-discipline."
   问题1：介词错误（Preposition error）
   “by... ways” ❌ 错误搭配。正确应为 “through... ways” 或 “in... ways”。
   ✅ "through effective methods" / "in various ways"
   问题2：逻辑不当（Logical flaw）
   “self-discipline” 是一种品质/能力，不是“方式（way）”。说“such as self-discipline” 把它归类为“方法”不准确。
   建议修改：
   "...focus on personal growth, and self-discipline is one of the most effective approaches."
   ⚠️ 扣分点：介词误用 + 概念归类错误 → 属于“词汇搭配与逻辑表达错误”。
3. "The more you try to do in your personal growth, the better you will be."
   问题：动词短语残缺（Incomplete verb phrase）
   “try to do” 后面缺少宾语，句子不完整。读者不知道“do what?”
   正确表达：
   "The more you strive to improve yourself, the better you will become."
   或
   "The more effort you put into personal growth, the greater your progress will be."
   ⚠️ 扣分点：句子结构不完整 → 属于“语法结构错误”。
4. "Ultimately, self-discipline is dispensable to success."
   问题：词义完全错误（Word misuse — serious!）
   “dispensable” = 可有可无的，非必需的（= not necessary）
   作者想表达的是 “indispensable”（不可或缺的）！
   这是一个严重用词错误，直接导致句意相反！
   ❌ 原句意思：自律对成功是“可有可无的” → 与全文观点矛盾！
   ✅ 正确应为："self-discipline is indispensable to success."
   ⚠️ 这是最严重的错误！必须扣分。属于“严重词汇误用”，直接影响内容逻辑。

🔍 其他小问题（轻微扣分）
重复冗余：
“the future of students will be both promising and rosy” → “promising” 和 “rosy” 语义重复，且“rosy”稍显口语化。建议保留其一即可。
人称不一致：
前文用第三人称（students），中间突然转为第二人称（you），虽在议论文中可接受，但频繁切换略显不严谨。建议统一用第三人称或“we”。

✍️ 总结：需扣分的明确错误清单

错误类型 具体表现 是否扣分

严重词汇误用 “dispensable” 应为 “indispensable” ✅ 必须扣（严重影响内容）
时态不一致 admitted/realized (past) + try (present) ✅ 扣
动宾搭配不当 “do it” 指代不清、搭配错误 ✅ 扣
介词错误 “by... ways” → 应为 “through/in... ways” ✅ 扣
句子成分残缺 “try to do...” 缺少宾语 ✅ 扣
逻辑归类错误 把 self-discipline 当作 “a way” ✅ 扣
📌 无拼写错误：全文单词拼写正确（如 discipline, acknowledged, ultimately 等均无误）。

📝 批改建议（给学生）
你最大的问题是把 “dispensable”（可有可无） 写成了 “indispensable”（必不可少） 的反义词，这会让阅卷老师认为你没掌握核心词汇，务必重点纠正！此外，注意时态统一、动词搭配完整性和介词使用。建议多积累“自律”相关地道表达，如：
cultivate self-discipline
exercise self-control
stay focused through disciplined habits

希望这份详细批注对你有帮助！

翻译

Yangshan Port, which is the first deep water port of China and one of the biggest deep water ports of the world, is an important port of Shanghai sea transport center. After nearly 20 years development, Yangshan Port has already achieved highly automidc. The using of digital technology and artificial intelligence sharply reduces the cost of staff and the release of carbon. The port management system which is self-developed can far control facitities handred kilometers away. Yangshan Port looks very busy but you can't see anyone control it on the scene, and it can continue work for 24 hours. Yangshan Port will continue to develop and make a bigger contribution to building Shanghai as a global sea transport center.

作为大学英语六级考试（CET-6）的批卷老师，我将严格按照六级翻译部分的评分标准对这篇翻译进行批改。该部分满分为 106.5分，主要考察考生的语言准确性、表达流畅性、词汇运用、语法结构、逻辑连贯性以及是否忠实于原文。

一、原文回顾（中文）：
洋山港（Yangshan Port）是上海航运中心的重要组成部分，是中国第一个深水港，也是世界上规模最大的深水港之一。经过近20年的发展，洋山港已实现高度自动化。数字技术和人工智能的使用大大减少了用工成本和碳排放。自主研发的码头管理系统可以在百公里之外对大型设备进行远程操控。洋山港看上去一片繁忙，现场却见不到人工操作，而且能够24小时不间断运作。洋山港将不断发展壮大，为把上海建成一个全球航运中心做出更大贡献。

二、学生翻译稿：
Yangshan Port, which is the first deep water port of China and one of the biggest deep water ports of the world, is an important port of Shanghai sea transport center. After nearly 20 years development, Yangshan Port has already achieved highly automidc. The using of digital technology and artificial intelligence sharply reduces the cost of staff and the release of carbon. The port management system which is self-developed can far control facitities handred kilometers away. Yangshan Port looks very busy but you can't see anyone control it on the scene, and it can continue work for 24 hours. Yangshan Port will continue to develop and make a bigger contribution to building Shanghai as an global sea transport center.

三、逐句分析与扣分点说明
第一句：
Yangshan Port, which is the first deep water port of China and one of the biggest deep water ports of the world, is an important port of Shanghai sea transport center.

✅ 基本准确，但有两处问题：

1. "the first deep water port of China" → 应为 "one of the first deep-water ports in China" 或更自然地表达为 "China's first deep-water port"。
   “the first” 表示“唯一的第一个”，但实际可能还有其他早期深水港，用“first”略显绝对。且应加连字符：deep-water port。
   更佳表达：Yangshan Port is China’s first deep-water port and one of the largest in the world.
2. "an important port of Shanghai sea transport center" → 不符合英语习惯。
   “Shanghai sea transport center” 是个错误译法，应为 "Shanghai’s maritime transportation hub" 或 "Shanghai’s shipping center"。
   正确表达：a key component of Shanghai’s shipping center。

❌ 扣分点：术语不准确、搭配不当、表达生硬
➡️ 扣 3 分

第二句：
After nearly 20 years development, Yangshan Port has already achieved highly automidc.

1. "After nearly 20 years development" → 缺少冠词，应为 "after nearly 20 years' development"。
2. "highly automidc" → 明显拼写错误！应为 "highly automated"。
   “automidc” 是严重拼写错误，可能是打字失误或输入法问题。

❌ 扣分点：语法错误（所有格缺失）、严重拼写错误
➡️ 扣 4 分

第三句：
The using of digital technology and artificial intelligence sharply reduces the cost of staff and the release of carbon.

1. "The using of..." → 错误结构。“using” 是动名词，但此处应为 "use"。
   正确表达：The use of...
2. "the cost of staff" → 不地道。应为 "labor costs" 或 "staffing costs"。
3. "the release of carbon" → 用词不准确。应为 "carbon emissions"。
   “release” 可接受，但“emissions” 更专业、更常见。

❌ 扣分点：动词形式错误、搭配不当、术语不准确
➡️ 扣 3 分

第四句：
The port management system which is self-developed can far control facitities handred kilometers away.

1. "which is self-developed" → 虽然语法上可接受，但不如 "self-developed" 作前置定语更简洁自然。
2. "can far control" → 完全错误！"far" 不能修饰动词 "control"。
   应为 "can remotely control" 或 "can control from afar"。
3. "facitities" → 拼写错误，应为 "facilities"。
4. "handred kilometers" → 拼写错误，应为 "hundred kilometers"。
5. "can far control" 和 "handred kilometers" 属于明显低级错误。

❌ 扣分点：严重语法错误、多个拼写错误、表达混乱
➡️ 扣 5 分

第五句：
Yangshan Port looks very busy but you can't see anyone control it on the scene, and it can continue work for 24 hours.

1. "you can't see anyone control it" → 动词形式错误。
   应为 "you can't see anyone controlling it" 或 "operating it"。
   "see sb do sth" 表示“看到全过程”，"see sb doing sth" 表示“正在做”。
   这里强调的是“没有人在操作”，所以用 "controlling" 更合适。
2. "on the scene" → 不自然。应为 "on site" 或 "at the port"。
3. "continue work" → 错误搭配。应为 "operate continuously" 或 "run non-stop"。
   “continue to work” 是可能的，但“work”指人，这里主语是港口，应用 "operate"。
4. 整体句子结构松散，连接不够流畅。

❌ 扣分点：动词形式错误、搭配不当、表达不地道
➡️ 扣 4 分

第六句：
Yangshan Port will continue to develop and make a bigger contribution to building Shanghai as an global sea transport center.

1. "building Shanghai as an global sea transport center" → 严重语法错误。
   “as an global” → “an” 不能用于以辅音开头的单词前，“global” 以 /g/ 开头，应为 "a global"。
   “building Shanghai as…” 结构错误。应为 "to build Shanghai into a global shipping center"。
   “build…into…” 是固定搭配。
   “sea transport center” 应改为 "shipping center" 或 "maritime hub"。

✅ 其他部分基本正确，但此句存在关键语法和搭配错误。

❌ 扣分点：冠词错误、介词搭配错误、表达不规范
➡️ 扣 3 分

四、综合评价

项目 得分情况

内容完整性 ✔️ 完整传达了原文信息，无遗漏
语言准确性 ❌ 多处拼写错误、语法错误、术语错误
表达流畅性 ❌ 句子结构生硬，连接不自然
词汇运用 ❌ 使用不当，如“using”、“facitities”等
语法结构 ❌ 存在多处基础语法错误（冠词、动词形式、介词等）
忠实度 ✔️ 大体忠实于原文

五、总分评定（满分106.5）

根据六级翻译评分标准：
90–106.5分：语言准确，表达流畅，几乎没有错误
75–89分：基本准确，少量错误，表达较清晰
60–74分：有较多语言错误，影响理解
45–59分：有明显错误，表达不清晰
<45分：严重错误，难以理解

该翻译虽然内容完整，但存在以下问题：
多处严重拼写错误（automidc, facitities, handred）
语法错误（can far control, the using of, continue work）
术语错误（sea transport center, release of carbon）
搭配不当（cost of staff, building as an global）
表达生硬、不地道

尽管考生试图表达清楚，但由于频繁出现低级错误，严重影响了语言质量。

✅ 最终得分：58分 / 106.5
（相当于约 54% 的得分率）

六、建议修改版本（参考范文）：
Yangshan Port, China’s first deep-water port and one of the largest in the world, is a key component of Shanghai’s shipping center. After nearly two decades of development, it has achieved high levels of automation. The use of digital technology and artificial intelligence has significantly reduced labor costs and carbon emissions. Its self-developed port management system enables remote control of large equipment from hundreds of kilometers away. Although the port appears bustling, no human operators are visible on site, and it operates continuously around the clock. Yangshan Port will continue to grow and contribute more to establishing Shanghai as a global maritime hub.

七、总结反馈

该考生具备一定的英语表达能力，能基本理解原文并组织成英文句子，但在以下几个方面需重点加强：

1. 拼写检查：务必注意拼写，尤其是“automated”、“facilities”、“hundred”等常见词。
2. 语法基础：掌握动词形式、冠词、介词搭配等基本规则。
3. 术语准确性：如“deep-water port”、“labor costs”、“carbon emissions”、“remote control”等。
4. 表达地道性：避免中式英语，学习常用搭配和固定表达。

建议平时多读英文新闻、科技类文章，积累相关词汇和句型，并进行反复修改练习。

✅ 最终得分：58 / 106.5