写作

As is known to all, gaining a sound knowledge of the basics is of vital importance for students to master an academic subject. With the evolving global landscape, there is an urgent need for students to prioritize master an academic subject, as its relevance continues to escalate. Reasons and concrete evidence to support my standpoint are as follows.
To begin with, there is no doubt that it is vital importance for students to master an academic subject. According to surveys, most of the top students admitted that they spend half of their time in gaining a sound knowledge of the basics.
Moreover, it is widely acknowledged that if you want to master an academic subject, you should read a lot of essays and develop your academic reseachs. Last but not least, I firmly believe the basical knowledge is the key to success. Effortlessness is a myth. The more knowledge you learn, the easier you master an academic subject.
Ultimately, gaining a sound knowledge of the basics is indispensable to success. If students spare no effort in mastering an academic subject, their future will be both promising and rosy.

批改意见（以大学英语六级写作评分标准为依据）

一、总体评价

该作文基本完成了题目要求，结构较为清晰，观点明确，语言表达有一定逻辑性。文章围绕“掌握基础知识对学习学术科目至关重要”这一主题展开论述，使用了“首先、其次、最后”等连接词，段落之间衔接尚可。但存在语法错误较多、用词不当、句子结构不完整、逻辑不够严密等问题，影响了整体表达的准确性和流畅性。

二、具体扣分点与错误分析
✅ 优点：
开头句符合题干要求，引出主题。
有基本的三段式结构：引言—主体论证—结论。
使用了一些较高级词汇如 “vital importance”, “indispensable”, “escalate” 等。
结尾呼应开头，有一定的总结性。

❌ 主要问题与扣分点：

1. 语法错误严重（扣分项）
   “prioritize master an academic subject” → 错误！
   应为：“prioritize mastering an academic subject” 或 “prioritize the mastery of an academic subject”
   动词后接动名词，不能直接接动词原形。
   ❌ prioritize master → ✅ prioritize mastering
   “it is vital importance for students…” → 语义不通！
   正确表达应为：“it is of vital importance” 或 “it is vitally important”
   ❌ it is vital importance → ✅ it is of vital importance / it is vitally important
   这是典型的中式英语思维，属于语法错误。
   “develop your academic reseachs” → 拼写+语法错误
   “reseachs” 是拼写错误，应为 “researches” 或更自然地用 “academic research skills”
   更合适的表达：develop your research abilities or critical thinking skills in academic research
   “I firmly believe the basical knowledge is the key…” → 语法错误
   “basical” 是错误形式，正确拼写是 basic
   另外，“believe” 后应加 that 引导宾语从句
   ❌ I firmly believe the basical knowledge… → ✅ I firmly believe that basic knowledge is the key…
   “Effortlessness is a myth.” → 虽然语法正确，但不符合上下文逻辑
   前一句讲“基础重要”，后一句突然说“轻松是神话”，缺乏过渡，显得突兀。
   且“effortlessness” 是抽象名词，不如说 “There is no shortcut to success” 更自然。
   “The more knowledge you learn, the easier you master…” → 时态/结构错误
   应为：“the easier it is to master…” 或 “the easier you will be able to master…”
   ❌ the easier you master → ✅ the easier it becomes to master 或 the easier you can master
2. 用词不当 / 不地道（扣分项）
   “most of the top students admitted that they spend half of their time…”
   “admitted” 意为“承认”，常用于负面或敏感信息，此处用“stated”或“reported”更合适。
   “spend half of their time” 表达模糊，建议改为：“devote a significant portion of their study time”
   “their future will be both promising and rosy” — “rosy” 太口语化，且与“promising”重复，建议删去或换为“bright and rewarding”。
3. 逻辑衔接薄弱（扣分项）
   第二段提到“read essays and develop research”，但没有解释为何这些能帮助掌握基础知识，缺少支撑。
   缺乏具体例子或数据支持（虽然可以引用调查，但未说明来源，削弱说服力）。
4. 字数达标（+1分加分项）
   实际字数约180词，符合要求（150–200词），不扣分。
5. 格式规范（无扣分）
   段落分明，无格式问题。

三、评分依据（根据CET-6写作评分标准）

项目 得分情况

内容完整性（Content） 7/10：观点明确，结构完整，但论据单薄，缺乏具体例证
语言准确性（Language Accuracy） 5/10：语法错误多，影响理解；拼写和搭配问题明显
语言丰富性（Vocabulary & Grammar Range） 5/10：词汇有限，句式单一，重复使用简单句
组织连贯性（Coherence & Cohesion） 6/10：有基本结构，但过渡生硬，逻辑跳跃
总体印象 中等偏下

四、最终得分：
总分：69.5 / 106.5

（相当于四级中上水平，六级中等偏下）

五、修改建议版本（参考范文）
As is known to all, gaining a sound knowledge of the basics is of vital importance for students to master an academic subject. With the evolving global landscape, it has become increasingly urgent for students to build a solid foundation in their studies.
First of all, mastering fundamental concepts enables deeper understanding. For example, many top students report spending over half of their study time reviewing core theories before moving on to advanced topics. This approach helps them grasp complex ideas more efficiently.
Moreover, consistent reading and practice are essential. By reading academic essays and conducting independent research, students not only expand their knowledge but also improve critical thinking skills. Without these habits, true mastery remains out of reach.
In conclusion, basic knowledge serves as the cornerstone of academic success. Only by investing effort in building strong foundations can students achieve long-term excellence in their fields.

六、总结

该考生具备一定的写作意识和基本表达能力，但在语法准确性、词汇运用和逻辑严谨性方面仍有较大提升空间。建议加强：
动词搭配与非谓语动词的使用；
避免中式英语表达；
多积累学术类写作常用句型和表达；
练习使用具体例子增强说服力。

继续努力，可望在下次考试中达到75分以上。

翻译

With the development of economy and society, China’s composition of population had changed markedly and it continued into the older-age society. The China’s population of elderly people will continue to increase, and the tend of population of elder people will be more marked. To face the different kinds of challenges which the population of elderly people brings, nation takes action actively and enhance the support to take care of elderly people. The government continues to increase the fund of social security and expole the cares areas to benfit more elderly people by charnging the rules of social security. The government also encourages all kinds of social teams to provide serves for old people. Elderly people will live more well-being with the try to work by government and social teams together.

作为大学英语六级考试的批卷老师，我将严格按照CET-6翻译部分评分标准（满分106.5分）对这位同学的翻译进行批改。评分依据主要包括：内容完整性、语言准确性、语法结构、词汇使用、逻辑连贯性以及表达地道性。

一、原文（中文）：
随着经济与社会的发展，中国人口结构发生了显著变化，逐渐步入老龄化社会。中国老年人口将持续增加，人口老龄化趋势将更加明显。为了应对人口老龄化带来的种种挑战，国家正积极采取措施，加大对养老的支持。通过改革社会保障（social security）制度，政府不断增加社会保障经费，逐步扩大社会保障覆盖范围，使更多老年人受益。政府还鼓励各种社会团体为老年人提供服务。在政府和社会团体的共同努力下，老年人将生活得更加幸福。

二、学生译文（已给出）：
With the development of economy and society, China’s composition of population had changed markedly and it continued into the older-age society. The China’s population of elderly people will continue to increase, and the tend of population of elder people will be more marked. To face the different kinds of challenges which the population of elderly people brings, nation takes action actively and enhance the support to take care of elderly people. The government continues to increase the fund of social security and expole the cares areas to benfit more elderly people by charnging the rules of social security. The government also encourages all kinds of social teams to provide serves for old people. Elderly people will live more well-being with the try to work by government and social teams together.

三、逐句分析与错误点指出
第一句：
With the development of economy and society, China’s composition of population had changed markedly and it continued into the older-age society.

✅ 内容基本正确，但存在以下问题：

1. 时态错误：“had changed” 是过去完成时，用于“过去的过去”，但此处是描述一个持续至今的变化，应使用现在完成时或一般过去时。
   → 应改为：has changed 或 changed
2. 搭配不当：“composition of population” 不地道，应为 population structure（这是固定搭配）
3. 语义不清：“it continued into the older-age society” 主语不明，“it”指代模糊；且“older-age society”不是标准表达，应为 an aging society 或 an aged society
4. 冠词缺失：“the older-age society” 缺少定冠词前修饰，应为 an aging society

❌ 改正建议：
→ With the development of the economy and society, China's population structure has changed significantly, gradually entering an aging society.

第二句：
The China’s population of elderly people will continue to increase, and the tend of population of elder people will be more marked.

❌ 多处严重错误：

1. 冠词误用：“The China’s population” 错误！不能说 “The China’s”，应为 China’s population（无需冠词）
2. 名词错误：“tend” 是动词，这里应为名词 trend
3. 重复啰嗦：“population of elder people” 重复了两次，且表达不自然。可简化为 the trend of population aging 或 the aging trend
4. 形容词误用：“elder people” 虽然可用，但在正式写作中不如 the elderly 地道
5. 语法错误：“will be more marked” 表达不准确，“marked” 是形容词，但“more marked”在语境中不自然，应为 become more pronounced 或 become increasingly evident

❌ 改正建议：
→ China's elderly population will continue to grow, and the trend of population aging will become more pronounced.

第三句：
To face the different kinds of challenges which the population of elderly people brings, nation takes action actively and enhance the support to take care of elderly people.

❌ 问题较多：

1. 主语错误：“nation” 指“民族”或“国家”，但在此语境中应为 the government 或 the state。"Nation" 不准确，且无冠词
2. 时态不一致：“takes” 和 “enhance” 并列，但后者是动词原形，应为 enhances（第三人称单数）
3. 介词短语错误：“to take care of elderly people” 中的“take care of”虽然可以接受，但更自然的说法是 support for elderly care 或 increase support for elderly people
4. 表达不够准确：“different kinds of challenges” 可简化为 various challenges 更简洁
5. 连接词冗余：“which...brings” 中“which”引导定语从句，但可简化为 brought by population aging

❌ 改正建议：
→ To address the various challenges brought by population aging, the government is taking active measures and enhancing support for elderly care.

第四句：
The government continues to increase the fund of social security and expole the cares areas to benfit more elderly people by charnging the rules of social security.

❌ 多个拼写和语法错误：

1. 拼写错误：
   “expole” → expand
   “benfit” → benefit
   “charnging” → changing
2. 表达错误：“the fund of social security” 不地道，应为 funds for social security 或 social security funding
3. 搭配不当：“expole the cares areas” → “expand the coverage” 或 “extend services”
4. 术语错误：“the rules of social security” 应为 reform the social security system（参考原文“改革社会保障制度”）
5. 逻辑混乱：“by changing the rules…” 结构上不完整，应为 by reforming the social security system

❌ 改正建议：
→ The government continues to increase social security funding and expand coverage by reforming the social security system, benefiting more elderly people.

第五句：
The government also encourages all kinds of social teams to provide serves for old people.

❌ 问题：

1. 拼写错误：“serves” → services
2. 用词不当：“social teams” 不准确，应为 social organizations 或 non-governmental organizations (NGOs)
3. 表达不自然：“for old people” → “for the elderly” 更正式、地道

❌ 改正建议：
→ The government also encourages various social organizations to provide services for the elderly.

第六句：
Elderly people will live more well-being with the try to work by government and social teams together.

❌ 严重语法与表达错误：

1. 搭配错误：“live more well-being” 错误。“well-being” 是不可数名词，不能用“more”直接修饰，应为 live a better life 或 enjoy greater well-being
2. 表达不通顺：“with the try to work by...” 语法错误，应为 through joint efforts by...
3. 用词不当：“try to work” 不符合英语习惯，应为 joint efforts 或 coordinated actions
4. 冠词缺失：“government and social teams” 前缺少冠词，应为 the government and social organizations

❌ 改正建议：
→ With the joint efforts of the government and social organizations, the elderly will enjoy a happier and more fulfilling life.

四、综合评价

项目 评分

内容完整性 ✅ 完整传达了原文所有要点（共6句话），无遗漏
语言准确性 ❌ 存在大量拼写、语法、搭配错误
词汇使用 ⚠️ 部分词汇不地道，如“social teams”、“expole”等
语法结构 ❌ 多处时态、主谓一致、冠词、动词形式错误
逻辑连贯性 ⚠️ 基本通顺，但句子之间衔接略显生硬
表达地道性 ❌ 表达不够自然，多处中式英语痕迹明显

五、扣分点总结（按六级评分标准）

1. 拼写错误（至少5处）：expole, benfit, charnging, serves, try → 每处扣0.5~1分
2. 语法错误（主谓不一致、时态错误、冠词缺失）→ 扣3~5分
3. 用词不当/不地道（如“social teams”, “older-age society”, “live more well-being”）→ 扣3~4分
4. 表达不自然/中式英语 → 扣2~3分
5. 信息传达虽完整，但语言质量差 → 整体降低档次

六、最终得分（满分106.5）

根据六级翻译评分标准：
优秀（97–106.5）：表达流畅、准确、地道，几乎无错误
良好（87–96.5）：基本准确，少量错误
中等（77–86.5）：有明显错误，但能理解大意
及格（67–76.5）：有较多错误，影响理解
不及格（<67）：严重错误，难以理解

该考生虽然内容完整，但语言错误众多，严重影响表达质量，属于中等偏下水平。

➡️ 最终得分：72.5 / 106.5

七、建议改进方向

1. 加强基础语法训练：注意时态、主谓一致、冠词使用
2. 积累地道表达：如“the elderly”、“social security system”、“joint efforts”
3. 避免中式英语：不要直译“社会团体”为“social teams”，应查证标准表达
4. 检查拼写：考试前务必复查单词拼写
5. 多读范文：模仿高分翻译的句式和用词

✅ 推荐高分版本参考：
With the development of the economy and society, China's population structure has undergone significant changes, gradually entering an aging society. The elderly population in China will continue to grow, and the trend of population aging will become more pronounced. To address the various challenges posed by an aging population, the government is taking proactive measures to strengthen elderly care. By reforming the social security system, the government is increasing funding and expanding coverage to benefit more elderly people. It also encourages various social organizations to provide services for the elderly. Through joint efforts between the government and civil society, the elderly will enjoy a happier and more fulfilling life.

如有需要，我可以提供该段落的不同档次的翻译范文对照，帮助你进一步提升。