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写作
To increase the likelihood of success, one should set realistic goals and work persistently towards them. With the evolving global landscape, there is an urgent need for us to prioritize increasing the likelihood of success, as its relevance continues to escalate. Reasons and concrete evidence to support my standpoint are as follows.
To begin with, there is no doubt that we can become successful by achieving goals. According to surveys, most of the successful social elites admitted that they set a lot of small goals and tried their best to achieve them.
Moreover, it is widely acknowledged that realistic goals play a important role in your personal development. They will enhance your spirit and make you better.
Last but not least, I firmly believe you will not achieve your goals and be successful unless you work persistently. Effortlessness is a myth. The harder you work, the bigger chance you have to toward them.
Ultimately, realistic goals and hard working are indispensable to success. If we spare no effort to increase the likelihood of success, our future will be both promising and rosy.
批改结果：
最终得分：85.5 / 106.5
一、总体评价
该作文基本符合六级写作要求，结构清晰，观点明确，语言表达较为流畅，能够围绕主题展开论述。文章开头引用题干句子，结构完整，有三个分论点支撑中心思想，结尾总结有力。整体上属于中等偏上水平。
但存在以下几个方面的明显问题：语法错误较多、用词不够准确、句式单一、逻辑衔接稍弱、部分表达不地道或不符合英语习惯，这些都会影响得分。
二、具体扣分点与错误分析（中文说明）
- 语法错误（共扣约10分）
“a important role” → “an important role”
错误类型：冠词使用错误。
“important”以元音音素开头，应使用“an”，而非“a”。
建议修改为：“an important role”。
“make you better” → “help you become better” 或 “improve your abilities”
错误类型：表达模糊且不够正式。
“make you better” 是口语化表达，缺乏学术性；在正式写作中建议使用更准确的表达方式。
“the bigger chance you have to toward them” → “the greater chance you have of achieving them”
错误类型：搭配错误 + 介词缺失。
“to toward” 是严重错误，应为 “of achieving” 或 “to achieve”。
正确表达应为：“The harder you work, the greater the chance you have of achieving them.”
“hard working” → “hard work”
错误类型：名词误用。
“hard working” 是形容词，不能作主语或宾语；此处应为名词短语 “hard work”。
原句：“realistic goals and hard working are indispensable…” 应改为：“realistic goals and hard work are indispensable…” - 词汇与表达问题（共扣约8分）
“social elites” 虽然可以理解，但略显生硬。建议换成更自然的表达如：“successful individuals” 或 “influential figures”。
“effortlessness is a myth” 表达正确，但略显抽象。可增强说服力，例如：“It is unrealistic to expect success without effort.”
“our future will be both promising and rosy” 属于中式英语。
“rosy” 是比喻性词语，常用于非正式语境，“promising and rosy” 并列重复，且“rosy”较俗气。
建议改为：“our future will be bright and full of opportunities” 更符合英语母语者的表达习惯。 - 句式单一与语言平淡（共扣约5分）
全文多使用简单句和并列句，缺乏复合句和高级句型。
如：“They will enhance your spirit and make you better.” → 可升级为：
“By setting realistic goals, individuals not only build self-confidence but also cultivate resilience in the face of challenges.”
缺乏过渡词连接段落之间的逻辑关系（如：Furthermore, In addition, Therefore），导致文章连贯性稍差。 - 逻辑与论证深度不足（共扣约5分）
第二段提到“surveys”但未说明来源，显得空泛。六级写作虽然不要求真实数据，但若引用调查，最好给出合理背景或解释。
建议补充：“According to a recent study conducted by Harvard University, successful entrepreneurs often attribute their achievements to consistent goal-setting.”
第三段论点“persistent effort”虽好，但例证不足。可以加入一个简短例子（如：Thomas Edison’s repeated failures before inventing the light bulb）来加强说服力。 - 字数与格式（+1分加分项）
字数约为170词，在150–200之间，符合要求。
开头已复制题干句子，格式正确。
三、修改建议版本（供参考）
To increase the likelihood of success, one should set realistic goals and work persistently towards them. With the evolving global landscape, there is an urgent need for us to prioritize increasing the likelihood of success, as its relevance continues to escalate. Reasons and concrete evidence to support my standpoint are as follows.
To begin with, achieving small yet realistic goals can gradually lead to long-term success. Many successful individuals, such as Steve Jobs and Oprah Winfrey, have emphasized the importance of breaking down big dreams into manageable steps. This approach helps maintain motivation and track progress effectively.
Moreover, realistic goals play an essential role in personal development. They provide direction and boost self-confidence, enabling individuals to overcome obstacles with greater determination.
Last but not least, persistence is crucial. Success rarely comes overnight. As Thomas Edison once said, “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.” Without consistent effort, even the most well-planned goals may remain unfulfilled.
Ultimately, realistic goals combined with persistent effort are indispensable to success. If we spare no effort to pursue our ambitions, our future will undoubtedly be bright and full of opportunities.
四、评分依据（按六级标准）
项目 得分
内容完整性（Content） 19/20
语言准确性（Language Use） 18/20
结构与连贯性（Organization & Coherence） 17/20
词汇与句式多样性（Vocabulary & Sentence Variety） 16/20
总体印象（Overall Impression） 15/15
总分：85.5 / 106.5
五、总结
这是一篇合格的六级作文，具备良好的写作框架和清晰的思路，但在语法准确性、语言地道性、论证深度和句式多样性方面仍有提升空间。若能进一步打磨语言、增强逻辑衔接、避免常见语法错误，有望冲击90分以上。
建议今后练习时注意：
- 多积累常用连接词和高级句型；
- 避免中式英语表达；
- 学会引用名人名言或典型事例增强说服力；
- 仔细检查冠词、介词、主谓一致等基础语法问题。
继续努力！
翻译
Traveling around the univers is Chinese people’s long-time dream. In 2003, the No.5 Shenzhou spaceship was sent successfully and Liwei Yang became the first China’s spaceman that into the outer space. In 2008, No.7 Shenzhou spaceship was sent, Zhigang Zhai became the first spaceman which walking in the outer space in China’s history. In resent years, the development of China’s space got into fast-speed road, the basic outer space facilities were built stabely, and the China’s space station was finished building in 2022. The fast development of China’s space working is wrote on the page of Chinese people’s history, and brings huge benifits to the progress of people’s civilaizien. In the future, the step of China resarchs the outer space will be more stabe and far.
作为大学英语六级考试（CET-6）的批卷老师，我将严格按照六级翻译部分的评分标准对这篇翻译进行批改。以下是详细的批改分析、扣分点说明以及最终得分。
一、题目原文（中文）
遨游太空历来是中华民族的梦想。2003年，神舟五号飞船发射成功，杨利伟成为第一个飞入太空的中国宇航员。2008年，神舟七号升空，翟志刚成为中国历史上首位进行太空行走的宇航员。近年来，中国航天进入创新发展“快车道”，太空基础设施建设稳步推进，中国空间站于2022年全面建成。中国航天事业的迅速发展在中华民族的历史上写下了辉煌一页，也为人类文明进步做出了巨大贡献。未来，中国探索太空的脚步将迈得更稳、更远。
二、学生译文
Traveling around the univers is Chinese people’s long-time dream. In 2003, the No.5 Shenzhou spaceship was sent successfully and Liwei Yang became the first China’s spaceman that into the outer space. In 2008, No.7 Shenzhou spaceship was sent, Zhigang Zhai became the first spaceman which walking in the outer space in China’s history. In resent years, the development of China’s space got into fast-speed road, the basic outer space facilities were built stabely, and the China’s space station was finished building in 2022. The fast development of China’s space working is wrote on the page of Chinese people’s history, and brings huge benifits to the progress of people’s civilaizien. In the future, the step of China resarchs the outer space will be more stabe and far.
三、批改与错误分析
- 词汇与拼写错误（Spelling & Vocabulary Errors）
错误 原句 正确表达 说明
univers Traveling around the univers... universe 明显拼写错误，universe 是“宇宙”的正确英文
Liwei Yang ...Liwei Yang became... Yang Liwei 中文姓名应为姓前名后，且首字母大写，正确顺序是 Yang Liwei
China’s spaceman that into the outer space ...the first China’s spaceman that into the outer space the first Chinese astronaut to enter space “China’s spaceman”语法错误，“that into”结构混乱，应使用不定式“to enter”
which walking ...spaceman which walking... who walked / who performed a spacewalk 关系代词“which”不能指人；动词形式错误，应为过去时态“walked”或“performed a spacewalk”
resent years In resent years recent years 拼写错误，“resent”是“愤恨”，应为“recent”
fast-speed road ...got into fast-speed road entered a fast track of innovation “fast-speed”不是标准表达，应为“fast track”；“road”用词不当
stabely ...built stabely steadily 拼写错误，“stabely”应为“steadily”
China’s space station was finished building ...was finished building was completed “finish building”结构不完整，应为“was completed”或“was fully built”
space working ...space working space program / aerospace industry “working”不是名词，此处应为“program”或“industry”
is wrote ...is wrote on the page... has been written 动词时态和语态错误，“wrote”是过去式，此处需被动语态现在完成时
benifits ...huge benifits benefits 拼写错误，“benifits”应为“benefits”
civilaizien ...progress of people’s civilaizien progress of human civilization 拼写错误，“civilaizien”应为“civilization”
resarchs ...China resarchs the outer space explores space “resarchs”应为“researches”或“explores”，但句子结构错误
the step of China resarchs the outer space ...the step of China resarchs... China's steps in exploring space 句子主干混乱，“step”作主语不合理，应改为“China's exploration of space”
- 语法与结构问题（Grammar & Sentence Structure）
主谓一致与时态错误
如：“The fast development... is wrote” → 应为“has been written”。这是典型的被动语态和时态错误。
冠词缺失或误用
如：“the No.5 Shenzhou spaceship” → “Shenzhou V spacecraft” 更地道；“No.7” 应为 “Shenzhou VII”。
定语从句错误
“spaceman which walking” → 不符合英语语法。应改为 “who walked” 或 “who conducted a spacewalk”。
句子连接不当
多个句子之间缺乏逻辑连接，如第二句中两个并列句之间没有逗号或连词，造成断句不清。
中式英语表达
如：“the step of China resarchs the outer space” → 这是典型的汉语思维直译，不符合英语表达习惯。 - 内容完整性与忠实度（Faithfulness to Original Text）
原文共 6 句话，学生基本覆盖了所有信息点，内容整体完整。
关键信息如：
杨利伟首次飞天
翟志刚太空行走
航天进入快车道
空间站建成
对人类文明的贡献
未来展望
都有体现，但在表达上严重失真。
四、评分依据（根据CET-6翻译评分标准）
CET-6翻译部分满分 106.5 分，评分标准如下：
得分区间 标准描述
94.5–106.5 翻译准确，语言流畅，无明显错误，表达自然
84.5–94.4 基本准确，个别小错误，表达较通顺
74.5–84.4 有一定理解偏差，存在较多语法/词汇错误，影响理解
64.5–74.4 理解不全，有明显错误，表达不通顺
54.5–64.4 理解较差，大量错误，难以理解
0–54.4 完全未完成或完全错误
五、具体扣分点汇总
类别 扣分项 扣分值（估算） 说明
拼写错误 univers, resent, stabely, benifits, civilaizien, resarchs -5 共6处拼写错误，每处约扣0.8–1分
词汇错误 China’s spaceman, space working, fast-speed road -4 使用不当词汇，影响准确性
语法错误 is wrote, which walking, the step of China resarchs -6 主动/被动、时态、从句等严重语法错误
名称错误 Liwei Yang, No.5 Shenzhou spaceship -2 姓名顺序错误，编号表达不规范
表达不自然 “the step of China resarchs” -3 中式英语，不符合英语习惯
结构混乱 多个句子合并不当，缺乏连贯性 -3 影响阅读流畅性
总计 -23
注：原始分数假设为满分106.5，扣除约23分。
六、最终得分
✅ 建议得分：83.5 / 106.5
七、修改后的参考译文（供对比）
Traveling in space has long been a dream of the Chinese nation. In 2003, the Shenzhou V spacecraft was successfully launched, and Yang Liwei became the first Chinese astronaut to enter space. In 2008, the Shenzhou VII spacecraft was launched, and Zhai Zhigang became the first Chinese astronaut to perform a spacewalk in history. In recent years, China's aerospace program has entered a fast track of innovation, with steady progress in space infrastructure construction, and the Chinese space station was fully completed in 2022. The rapid development of China's space program has written a glorious chapter in the history of the Chinese nation and made significant contributions to the advancement of human civilization. In the future, China's exploration of space will move forward more steadily and go further.
八、总结评价
该考生具备一定的中文理解和英文表达能力，能够传达原文的主要信息。但存在以下问题：
- 基础功底薄弱：拼写错误频繁，影响阅卷印象；
- 语法掌握不足：时态、语态、从句结构混乱；
- 词汇积累有限：使用非地道表达，如“space working”、“fast-speed road”；
- 文化背景知识欠缺：未能正确处理姓名、飞船编号等专业术语。
建议加强以下方面：
英语基础语法训练（尤其是被动语态、定语从句）
科技类词汇积累（如 aerospace, spacewalk, space station）
模拟练习与对照修改，提高语言准确性
🎯 最终得分：83.5 / 106.5（约 78.4%）
📌 等级：B+（良好，但有较大提升空间）
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