分数:433
Writing
Nowadays more and more people choose to live an environmentally friendly life style. That means living green. Not only it's good for our earth, but also there are lots of benfits for human.
How can we live green? Here are some tips for you. First of all, we should reduce using plastic, instandly, trying to use reuseful products. That's a such way to protect our environment of the plastic issue. After that, I suggest you to use clean power. Clean power is genrated by sunlight, wind or sea, and it can reduce carbon.
Do you have your own car? If you often drive your car to work or go to somewhere not really far, I also advise you to choice another way instead of driving cars. Such as walk or take a bike, both of them are more environmentally friendlier way to go out, and can also reduce carbon from cars.
In the end, I'm very pleasure that you can realize the challges of environment. Let's live green, live an environmentally friendly lifestyle right now!
一、作文内容
主题:倡导绿色生活方式
结构:引言—建议(3条)—结尾呼吁
字数:约180词(符合要求)
二、评分维度分析(依据CET-6官方评分标准)
CET-6写作评分主要从以下三方面考量:
- 内容切题与完整性(Content)
- 语言准确性与多样性(Language)
- 篇章结构与连贯性(Organization)
三、具体错误点与扣分明细(总分106.5)
(1)语言错误(共扣约18分)
| 错误位置 | 原句 | 错误类型 | 扣分 | 修改建议 |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 第1段 | "chose" | 动词时态错误(应为一般现在时) | -1 | choose |
| 第1段 | "benfits" | 拼写错误 | -0.5 | benefits |
| 第1段 | "Not only it's good..." | 倒装结构错误 | -2 | Not only is it good... |
| 第2段 | "instandly" | 拼写错误 + 用词不当 | -1.5 | 删除或改为 for example |
| 第2段 | "reuseful" | 用词错误(非标准词) | -1 | reusable |
| 第2段 | "That's a such way..." | 语序错误(a such → such a) | -1 | That’s such a way... |
| 第2段 | "protect our environment of the plastic issue" | 介词搭配错误 | -1.5 | protect our environment from plastic pollution |
| 第2段 | "genrated" | 拼写错误 | -0.5 | generated |
| 第3段 | "go to somewhere" | 语法错误(somewhere 前不加 to) | -1 | go somewhere |
| 第3段 | "choice another way" | 词性错误(choice 为名词) | -1 | choose another way |
| 第3段 | "Such as walk or take a bike" | 句式残缺(不能以 Such as 开头) | -1.5 | such as walking or riding a bike |
| 第3段 | "more environmentally friendlier" | 比较级重复(more + -er) | -1.5 | more environmentally friendly 或 friendlier |
| 第4段 | "I'm very pleasure" | 词性错误(pleasure 为名词) | -1 | I’m very pleased |
| 第4段 | "challges" | 拼写错误 | -0.5 | challenges |
| 第4段 | "of environment" | 冠词缺失 | -0.5 | of the environment |
语言错误小计扣分:约 18分
(2)内容与逻辑(扣约5分)
- 建议内容基本切题,但部分逻辑跳跃(如“instandly”无上下文衔接)。
- “clean power is generated by... sea” 表述不够严谨(潮汐能可接受,但“sea”过于模糊)。
- 结尾略显口号化,缺乏深度总结。
内容扣分:-5分
(3)结构与连贯性(扣约3分)
- 段落结构清晰,但连接词单一(仅用 First of all, After that, In the end)。
- 第三段以问句开头虽有互动性,但“Such as walk...”句式断裂,影响连贯。
结构扣分:-3分
四、总分计算
- 基准分(内容切题、结构完整):约 85分
- 扣除语言错误:-18
- 扣除内容与逻辑:-5
- 扣除连贯性问题:-3
✅ 最终得分:约 59 / 106.5
根据CET-6分数换算惯例,此分数对应写作部分约 9–10 分(满分15分),属于中等偏下水平。
五、优化建议(高分句式替换)
| 原句 | 优化建议 |
|---|---|
| Not only it's good... | Not only is it beneficial to the planet, but it also brings numerous advantages to humanity. |
| reduce using plastic | minimize our reliance on single-use plastics |
| use clean power | adopt renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, and tidal power |
| walk or take a bike | opt for walking or cycling, which are not only eco-friendly but also promote personal health |
| I'm very pleasure... | It is heartening to see growing awareness of environmental challenges. |
六、总结
该作文主题明确、结构完整,具备基本写作框架,但存在较多基础语法、拼写和用词错误,严重影响语言准确性和表达效果。建议:
- 强化基础语法(尤其倒装、比较级、词性);
- 积累环保类话题高频词汇(如 sustainable, carbon footprint, renewable);
- 避免中式英语表达,多模仿地道句式。
Translation
Lugo Bridge, which is on West-south 15 km far away the Tiananmen Sqare and cross the Yongding river, is the oldest bridge that has many hole in the Beijing nowdays. Lugo bridge lasted in 1192, rebuilt in 1698, made of 281 stands. Every stands have a stone lion. There have more lions hiding in those stone lions’ head, backbody, middle-body and snakes. These stone lions are vivid and different, are valuable art works of stone art for Lugo bridge. The stone lions on the bridge cannot be counted, that’s why there’s a saying ‘stone lions on Lugo bridge — can’t be counted’ in Beijing place.
Lugo bridge not only is famous of its beaute symbol, but also as a symbol of the history of the store bridge.
一、原文内容回顾(根据常见CET-6真题推断)
该翻译题应为2017年12月CET-6真题“卢沟桥”段落,中文原文大致如下:
卢沟桥位于天安门广场西南15公里处,横跨永定河,是北京现存最古老的多孔联拱桥。卢沟桥始建于1192年,1698年重建,由281根望柱组成,每根望柱上都雕有一只石狮。这些石狮的头、背、腹、爪等处还藏有许多小狮子。石狮形态各异,栩栩如生,是卢沟桥石刻艺术的精品。桥上的石狮数不清,因此北京流传着“卢沟桥的狮子——数不清”的说法。
卢沟桥不仅以其精美的建筑闻名,也是这座古桥历史的象征。
二、翻译原文
Lugo Bridge, which is on West-south 15 km far away the Tiananmen Sqare and cross the Yongding river, is the oldest bridge that has many hole in the Beijing nowdays. Lugo bridge lasted in 1192, rebuilt in 1698, made of 281 stands. Every stands have a stone lion. There have more lions hiding in those stone lions’ head, backbody, middle-body and snakes. These stone lions are vivid and different, are valuable art works of stone art for Lugo bridge. The stone lions on the bridge cannot be counted, that’s why there’s a saying ‘stone lions on Lugo brigde — can’t be counted’ in Beijing place.
Lugo bridge not only is famous of its beaute symbol, but also as a symbol of the history of the store bridge.
三、评分标准说明(CET-6翻译)
- 满分106.5分(占整卷15%)
评分维度:
- 准确性(忠实原文,无重大误译)
- 语言质量(语法、词汇、拼写、搭配)
- 表达流畅性与逻辑连贯性
四、具体错误点与扣分明细
(1)专有名词与拼写错误(共扣约8分)
| 错误 | 正确形式 | 扣分 |
|---|---|---|
| Lugo Bridge | Lugou Bridge(标准译名) | -1 |
| Tiananmen Sqare | Tiananmen Square | -0.5 |
| Yongding river | Yongding River(首字母大写) | -0.5 |
| hole | arches 或 arch spans(“多孔桥”应译为 multi-arched bridge) | -2 |
| stands | balustrade posts 或 stone posts(“望柱”误译) | -2 |
| backbody, middle-body | backs, bellies, paws(“腹、爪”误为 body/snakes) | -1 |
| snakes | paws(明显误听/误写) | -1 |
| brigde | bridge | -0.5 |
| beaute | beauty | -0.5 |
| store bridge | ancient/historic bridge(“古桥”误译) | -1 |
小计:-10分(部分错误影响理解,酌情加重)
(2)语法与结构错误(共扣约12分)
| 原句 | 错误分析 | 扣分 | 优化建议 |
|---|---|---|---|
| on West-south 15 km far away the... | 介词混乱 + 语序错误 | -2 | located 15 km southwest of Tiananmen Square |
| cross the Yongding river | 主谓不一致(which... and cross → crosses) | -1 | and crosses the Yongding River |
| in the Beijing nowdays | 冠词多余 + 拼写错误 | -1 | in Beijing today |
| Lugo bridge lasted in 1192 | “lasted” 误用(应为 was built / dates back to) | -2 | was first built in 1192 |
| Every stands have... | 主谓不一致(Every + 单数) | -1 | Each post has... |
| There have more lions... | “There have” 语法错误 | -1.5 | There are additional lions hidden... |
| are vivid and different, are valuable... | 逗号连接两个完整句(comma splice) | -1 | ..., making them valuable... |
| Lugo bridge not only is famous... | 倒装错误 | -1.5 | Lugou Bridge is not only famous for... |
| famous of its beaute symbol | 介词错误(famous for)+ 用词不当 | -1 | famous for its architectural beauty |
语法错误小计:-12分
(3)内容准确性与文化信息缺失(扣约6分)
- 未体现“多孔联拱桥”(multi-arched stone bridge)这一关键建筑特征;
- “数不清”的文化谚语虽尝试翻译,但未加引号或说明其为俗语(可接受,但表达生硬);
- “历史象征”译为“history of the store bridge”完全偏离原意。
内容失真扣分:-6分
(4)表达冗余与不地道(扣约3分)
- “valuable art works of stone art” → 重复(stone art 已含 art);
- “in Beijing place” → 不地道,应为 in Beijing 或 among locals。
表达扣分:-3分
五、总分计算
- 基准分(内容基本覆盖):约 85分
- 扣分总计:10(拼写/术语) + 12(语法) + 6(内容) + 3(表达) = -31分
- 最终得分:54 / 106.5
对应CET-6翻译部分约 8分(满分15分),属中等偏下水平。
六、优化后的参考译文(高分版本)
Located 15 kilometers southwest of Tiananmen Square and spanning the Yongding River, Lugou Bridge is the oldest surviving multi-arched stone bridge in Beijing. Originally built in 1192 and reconstructed in 1698, the bridge features 281 stone balustrade posts, each carved with a lion. Moreover, numerous smaller lions are hidden in the manes, backs, bellies, and paws of these stone lions. Vivid and uniquely crafted, they represent the pinnacle of stone carving art on Lugou Bridge. Because the lions are too numerous to count, a local saying in Beijing goes: “The lions on Lugou Bridge—impossible to count.”
Lugou Bridge is not only renowned for its architectural beauty but also stands as a symbol of the historic bridge’s enduring legacy.
七、学习建议
- 掌握中国文化专有名词的标准译法(如 Lugou Bridge, balustrade post);
- 强化基础语法:主谓一致、介词搭配、there be 句型;
- 避免逐字翻译,注重英语表达习惯(如“数不清”→ too numerous to count);
- 积累建筑、历史类高频词汇:span, reconstruct, multi-arched, carving, legacy 等。
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