考生作文内容：

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a customer of your store. My name is Li Hua. I purchased this camera from your online store, but regrettably, it has some quality problems. I only had it for a few days and it started to go wrong. Therefore, I am writing to address this matter and seek your assistance.

I believe this is a quality issue with your product, as there was no external damage or misuse on my part. I am willing to allow you to inspect the camera to verify that this isn't a problem caused by me. Given the circumstances, I kindly request that you arrange for prompt repair or replacement of the device.

I look forward to your prompt response and trust that you will address this matter promptly. Thank you for your attention to this issue.

Best regards,
Li Hua.

作文评价：

这篇作文基本切题，结构完整，思路清晰，能够按照题目要求描述问题并提出解决方案。文章整体逻辑连贯，能够表达出主要意思，但存在一些语言表达和语法上的问题，影响了文章的流畅性和专业性。

优点：

1. 结构清晰：文章分为三段，开头介绍问题，中间描述具体问题，最后提出解决方案，符合书信的基本格式。
2. 内容完整：考生清楚地说明了购买的相机存在问题，并提出了具体的解决方案（维修或更换）。
3. 语气礼貌：使用了“kindly request”“thank you for your attention”等礼貌表达，符合投诉信的语气要求。

扣分点：

1. 语言表达不够地道：

   • “it started to go wrong”：这个表达不够正式，建议改为“it malfunctioned”或“it broke down”。
   • “there was no external damage or misuse on my part”：重复强调“没有外部损坏或误用”显得多余，且表达不够简洁。
   • “I am willing to allow you to inspect the camera”：可以更简洁地表达为“I am willing to provide the camera for inspection”。
2. 缺乏复杂句型：文章中大部分句子结构简单，缺乏复合句或并列句，显得语言表达较为单一。
3. 细节描述不足：虽然提到了相机存在问题，但没有具体说明问题的性质（如电池续航短、屏幕闪烁等），导致内容显得不够具体。

评分：

根据评分标准，这篇作文可以归入 16-21分 档次。具体扣分点如下：

• 语言表达不够地道：扣2分。
• 缺乏复杂句型：扣2分。
• 细节描述不足：扣1分。

总分：20分

优化建议：

1. 使用更正式的表达：

   • 将“it started to go wrong”改为“it malfunctioned shortly after purchase”。
   • 将“there was no external damage or misuse on my part”改为“I have not subjected the device to any misuse or external damage”。

2. 增加复杂句型：

   • 使用复合句或并列句，例如：

     • “Since the camera malfunctioned shortly after purchase, I kindly request that you arrange for prompt repair or replacement.”
     • “Given that the device has exhibited multiple issues, including short battery life and screen flickering, I believe this is a quality problem.”

3. 补充具体细节：

   • 描述具体问题，例如：

     • “The battery only lasts for two hours after a full charge.”
     • “The screen flickers intermittently, causing discomfort to my eyes.”
     • “The shutter button occasionally fails to respond, requiring multiple attempts to operate.”

4. 调整语气：

   • 保持礼貌但坚定的语气，例如：

     • “I trust that you will address this matter promptly and professionally.”
     • “I look forward to your prompt response and resolution of this issue.”

修改后的满分作文示例：

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to bring to your attention a quality issue with the camera I purchased from your online store last week. Despite being used with care, the device has exhibited multiple problems shortly after purchase.

Firstly, the battery only lasts for two hours after a full charge, which is far below the advertised performance. This inconvenience necessitates carrying the charger whenever I use the camera. Secondly, the screen flickers intermittently, causing discomfort to my eyes. Lastly, the shutter button occasionally fails to respond, requiring multiple attempts to operate. These issues clearly indicate a manufacturing defect rather than user error.

Given the circumstances, I kindly request that you arrange for prompt repair or replacement of the device. I am willing to provide the camera for inspection to verify that these issues are not due to misuse on my part. I trust that you will address this matter promptly and professionally.

Thank you for your attention to this issue. I look forward to your prompt response.

Yours sincerely,
Li Hua.

这篇修改后的作文更加正式、具体，语言表达更地道，符合22-30分的标准。