ToDo!
考生作文内容：
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a customer of your company's products. My name is Li Hua. I bought your products from a local store, but there was a problem that store could not solve. So I write to complain about the problem and ask for help.
I bought this phone last month, but its screen broke without any sign a week ago, so I contacted the store to complain. However, to this day, my problem remains unresolved. This is so inefficient that I have to write to you to report the problem.
My appeal is very simple. I think it is the quality problem of your products, so you need to repair this phone. I can accept you to check the phone, and I believe that's not a problem caused by me.
Above, I look forward to your reply and wish you success in your work.
Best regards,
Li Hua作文评价：
优点：
- 切题：作文内容基本切题，围绕购买手机后屏幕损坏的问题展开，符合题目要求。
- 结构完整：作文结构较为完整，开头介绍了自己和问题，中间详细描述了问题和投诉理由，结尾表达了期望。
- 思路清晰：作文思路较为清晰，按照问题描述、投诉理由和期望解决措施的顺序展开。
不足：
语法错误：
- “but there was a problem that store could not solve”中，“store”前缺少冠词，应为“the store”。
- “so I write to complain about the problem and ask for help”中，“write”应为过去式“wrote”，因为描述的是过去发生的事情。
- “but its screen broke without any sign a week ago”中，“sign”用词不当，应为“warning”或“notice”。
- “I can accept you to check the phone”中，“accept you to check”表达方式不地道，应为“I can allow you to check”或“I agree to let you check”。
用词不当：
- “This is so inefficient that I have to write to you to report the problem”中，“inefficient”用词不当，应为“unresolved”或“not handled properly”。
中式英语：
- “My appeal is very simple”中，“appeal”用词不当，应为“request”或“complaint”。
- 缺乏高级表达和复杂句型：作文中基本使用简单句，缺乏高级表达和复杂句型。
扣分点：
- 语法错误：多处语法错误，包括冠词、时态和用词不当，扣3分。
- 用词不当：多处用词不当，扣2分。
- 中式英语：存在中式英语表达，扣2分。
- 缺乏高级表达和复杂句型：作文表达较为简单，缺乏高级表达和复杂句型，扣3分。
总评分：
根据评分标准，作文基本切题，结构完整，思路较清晰，但存在较多语法错误和用词不当，语言错误较多，属于10-15分档次。结合具体扣分点，最终评分为 12分。
优化建议：
修正语法错误：
- “but there was a problem that store could not solve”改为“but there was a problem that the store could not solve”。
- “so I write to complain about the problem and ask for help”改为“so I wrote to complain about the problem and ask for help”。
- “but its screen broke without any sign a week ago”改为“but its screen broke without any warning a week ago”。
- “I can accept you to check the phone”改为“I can allow you to check the phone”。
- “This is so inefficient that I have to write to you to report the problem”改为“This problem remains unresolved, so I have to write to you to report it”。
- “My appeal is very simple”改为“My request is very simple”。
使用更高级的表达和复杂句型：
- 增加复杂句型，如定语从句、状语从句等。
- 使用更高级的词汇和表达，如“malfunction”代替“broke”，“address the issue”代替“solve the problem”。
增强连贯性和逻辑性：
- 使用连接词和过渡句，使文章更加连贯。
- 例如：“I purchased this phone last month, but unfortunately, its screen malfunctioned without any warning a week ago. Despite contacting the local store, the issue remains unresolved to this day.”
检查和润色：
- 仔细检查语法和用词，确保表达准确。
- 润色句子，使表达更加流畅和地道。
通过以上优化，作文可以达到22-30分的档次。
以下是作文中所有错误点的详细列表，包括语法错误、用词不当和中式英语等问题。每个错误点都附有修改建议，帮助你更好地理解和改进。
语法错误：
“but there was a problem that store could not solve”
- 错误：缺少冠词“the”。
- 修改：改为“but there was a problem that the store could not solve”。
“so I write to complain about the problem and ask for help”
- 错误：时态错误，应为过去式。
- 修改：改为“so I wrote to complain about the problem and ask for help”。
“but its screen broke without any sign a week ago”
- 错误：“sign”用词不当。
- 修改：改为“but its screen broke without any warning a week ago”。
“I can accept you to check the phone”
- 错误：表达方式不地道。
- 修改：改为“I can allow you to check the phone”或“I agree to let you check the phone”。
“This is so inefficient that I have to write to you to report the problem”
- 错误：“inefficient”用词不当。
- 修改：改为“This problem remains unresolved, so I have to write to you to report it”。
“My appeal is very simple”
- 错误：“appeal”用词不当。
- 修改：改为“My request is very simple”。
用词不当：
“I bought your products from a local store”
- 问题：“products”不够具体。
- 修改：改为“I bought this phone from a local store”。
“I contacted the store to complain”
- 问题：表达可以更具体。
- 修改：改为“I contacted the store to report the issue”。
“This is so inefficient”
- 问题：“inefficient”用词不当。
- 修改：改为“This problem remains unresolved”。
“I look forward to your reply and wish you success in your work”
- 问题：表达不够正式。
- 修改：改为“I look forward to your prompt reply and hope for a satisfactory resolution”。
中式英语：
“I write to complain about the problem and ask for help”
- 问题：表达方式不够自然。
- 修改：改为“I am writing to address this issue and seek your assistance”。
“I think it is the quality problem of your products”
- 问题：表达方式不够自然。
- 修改：改为“I believe this is a quality issue with your product”。
“I can accept you to check the phone”
- 问题：表达方式不地道。
- 修改：改为“I am willing to allow you to inspect the phone”。
缺乏高级表达和复杂句型：
“I bought this phone last month, but its screen broke without any sign a week ago”
- 优化建议：使用更高级的词汇和复杂句型。
- 修改：改为“I purchased this phone last month, but regrettably, its screen malfunctioned without any prior indication a week ago”。
“However, to this day, my problem remains unresolved”
- 优化建议：使用更正式的表达。
- 修改：改为“However, despite multiple attempts, the issue has yet to be resolved”。
“I look forward to your reply and wish you success in your work”
- 优化建议：表达更正式。
- 修改：改为“I look forward to your prompt response and trust that you will address this matter promptly”。
优化后的作文：
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a customer of your company's products. My name is Li Hua. I purchased this phone from a local store, but regrettably, its screen malfunctioned without any prior indication a week ago. Despite contacting the store to report the issue, the problem remains unresolved to this day. Therefore, I am writing to address this matter and seek your assistance.
I believe this is a quality issue with your product, as there was no external damage or misuse on my part. I am willing to allow you to inspect the phone to verify that this is not a problem caused by me. Given the circumstances, I kindly request that you arrange for a prompt repair or replacement of the device.
I look forward to your prompt response and trust that you will address this matter promptly. Thank you for your attention to this issue.
Best regards,
Li Hua通过以上修改，作文的语言更加准确、正式，表达也更加流畅和地道。希望这些建议对你有所帮助！
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