My View on Mutual Influence

Nowadays, it is undeniable that mutual influence has almost become the most popular topic in present-day world. This kind of influences is very common among our families, friends and classmates. Take my friend Wang as an example, who studies in Tsinghua University. He often remarks to me that he feels nervous, because it seems that his classmates can do anything successfully, but he couldn't.

There are some points for account of my views. Firstly, as Wang says, the stress from someone nearby us often causes huge mutual influence to us. Or just something you hear from others, it will affect you deeply. This isn't your problem, we all have this feeling before. But secondly, the more important thing is what will you do next? If you plan to study or work harder, it will be a positive mutual influence. Instead, the negative mutual influence makes you think you're unuseful.

In my opinion, it's an really double-edged sword, the key is what will you do next. We ought to avoid negative influence and be couraged by supportive influence. As young people, we should promote its benefits and raise the awareness of mutual influence.

作文评价：

优点：

1. 切题：作文围绕“相互影响”展开讨论，符合题目要求。
2. 结构完整：文章分为三段，分别引入主题、分析影响的积极和消极方面、总结观点，结构清晰。
3. 思路较清晰：能够结合实例（朋友Wang的例子）展开讨论，逻辑较为连贯。
4. 尝试使用复杂句型：如“Take my friend Wang as an example, who studies in Tsinghua University.” 使用了定语从句。

扣分点：

1. 拼写错误：

   • “zundeniable” → “undeniable”
   • “unuseful” → “useless”
   • “couraged” → “courage”
   • “it's an really double-edged sword” → “it's a really double-edged sword”

2. 语法错误：

   • “This kind of influences is very common” → “This kind of influence is very common”
   • “the stress from someone nearby us often causes huge mutual influence to us” → “the stress from someone nearby often has a huge mutual influence on us”
   • “Or just something you hear from others, it will affect you deeply” → “Or just something you hear from others will deeply affect you”
   • “the more important thing is what will you do next” → “the more important thing is what you will do next”

3. 中式英语：

   • “the stress from someone nearby us often causes huge mutual influence to us” → 表达不够地道，建议改为“the pressure from people around us often has a significant mutual influence on us”
   • “we all have this feeling before” → “we have all felt this way before”
4. 句型单一：虽然有尝试使用复杂句型，但整体句型较为简单，缺乏多样性。
5. 内容深度不足：虽然提到相互影响的积极和消极方面，但分析不够深入，例子和观点的结合不够紧密。
6. 没有题目：作文没有明确的题目，需扣1分。

评分：

根据评分标准，这篇作文可以归为 16-21分 档次。具体扣分如下：

• 拼写错误：扣2分
• 语法错误：扣3分
• 中式英语：扣2分
• 句型单一：扣2分
• 内容深度不足：扣2分
• 没有题目：扣1分

总分：16分

优化建议：

1. 修改拼写错误：

   • “zundeniable” → “undeniable”
   • “unuseful” → “useless”
   • “couraged” → “courage”
   • “it's an really double-edged sword” → “it's a really double-edged sword”

2. 修正语法错误：

   • “This kind of influences is very common” → “This kind of influence is very common”
   • “the stress from someone nearby us often causes huge mutual influence to us” → “the pressure from people around us often has a significant mutual influence on us”
   • “Or just something you hear from others, it will affect you deeply” → “Or just something you hear from others will deeply affect you”
   • “the more important thing is what will you do next” → “the more important thing is what you will do next”

3. 提升语言地道性：

   • 避免中式英语，例如将“we all have this feeling before”改为“we have all felt this way before”。

4. 增加句型多样性：

   • 使用更多复杂句型，如条件句、让步句等。例如：

     • “If you choose to respond positively, it can become a driving force for self-improvement.”
     • “However, if you let it discourage you, it may lead to a lack of confidence.”

5. 深化内容分析：

   • 在提到朋友Wang的例子时，可以进一步分析这个例子如何支持你的观点。例如：

     • “Take my friend Wang as an example. He often feels pressured because his classmates seem to excel at everything. However, instead of being discouraged, he uses this pressure as motivation to study harder. This positive approach not only helps him improve academically but also strengthens his resilience.”

6. 补充题目：

   • 在文章开头加上题目，例如：“My View on Mutual Influence”。

通过以上修改，作文可以达到 22-30分 的水平。

以下是作文中的所有错误（扣分点）及修改建议，按类别列出，帮助你更正和学习：

一、拼写错误

1. “zundeniable” → “undeniable”

   • 错误原因：拼写错误，缺少“un-”前缀。
   • 修改建议：仔细检查拼写，确保单词正确。

2. “unuseful” → “useless”

   • 错误原因：拼写错误，“useless”是正确表达“无用的”。
   • 修改建议：熟悉常用形容词的拼写。

3. “couraged” → “courage”

   • 错误原因：拼写错误，“courage”是名词，表示“勇气”。
   • 修改建议：注意动词和名词形式的区别。

4. “it's an really double-edged sword” → “it's a really double-edged sword”

   • 错误原因：冠词使用错误，“double-edged”以辅音音素开头，应使用“a”。
   • 修改建议：掌握冠词的使用规则。

二、语法错误

1. “This kind of influences is very common” → “This kind of influence is very common”

   • 错误原因：主谓不一致，“influence”是不可数名词，应使用单数形式。
   • 修改建议：注意主谓一致，特别是不可数名词的使用。

2. “the stress from someone nearby us often causes huge mutual influence to us” → “the pressure from people around us often has a significant mutual influence on us”

   • 错误原因：介词使用错误，“influence on”是正确搭配。
   • 修改建议：掌握常见介词搭配。

3. “Or just something you hear from others, it will affect you deeply” → “Or just something you hear from others will deeply affect you”

   • 错误原因：句子结构松散，缺少连词。
   • 修改建议：使用连词（如“and”）或调整句子结构。

4. “the more important thing is what will you do next” → “the more important thing is what you will do next”

   • 错误原因：语序错误，间接引语中应使用陈述语序。
   • 修改建议：掌握间接引语的语序规则。

5. “we all have this feeling before” → “we have all felt this way before”

   • 错误原因：表达不够地道，建议使用更自然的表达。
   • 修改建议：多阅读英语文章，熟悉地道表达。

三、中式英语

1. “the stress from someone nearby us often causes huge mutual influence to us” → “the pressure from people around us often has a significant mutual influence on us”

   • 错误原因：表达生硬，不符合英语习惯。
   • 修改建议：使用更自然的表达，如“pressure from people around us”。

2. “we all have this feeling before” → “we have all felt this way before”

   • 错误原因：表达不够地道。
   • 修改建议：使用更符合英语习惯的表达。

四、句型单一

• 原文：多使用简单句，缺乏复杂句型。

• 修改建议：增加复杂句型，如条件句、让步句等。例如：

  • “If you plan to study or work harder, it will be a positive mutual influence.” → “If you choose to respond positively, it can become a driving force for self-improvement.”
  • “Instead, the negative mutual influence makes you think you're useless.” → “However, if you let it discourage you, it may lead to a lack of confidence.”

五、内容深度不足

• 原文：分析不够深入，例子和观点结合不够紧密。

• 修改建议：深化内容分析，结合实例展开讨论。例如：

  • “Take my friend Wang as an example. He often feels pressured because his classmates seem to excel at everything. However, instead of being discouraged, he uses this pressure as motivation to study harder. This positive approach not only helps him improve academically but also strengthens his resilience.”

六、其他问题

1. 没有题目

   • 错误原因：作文缺少题目。
   • 修改建议：在文章开头加上题目，如：“My View on Mutual Influence”。

总结

通过以上修改，你的作文可以显著提升语言的准确性和表达的深度。建议平时多阅读英语文章，积累地道表达，并练习复杂句型的使用。这样可以逐步提高写作水平，达到更高分数段的要求。