Choices College Graduates Make upon Graduation

Nowadays, it is undeniable that graduation has almost become the most popular topic in present-day world. You need to make a decision that almost the most important one of your rest of life at that time. Take my friend Wang as an example, who decided to further study. He often remarks to me that he couldn't find a nice job for him, so he made up his mind to study more.

There are some reasons for account of my views. Firstly, the data shows that 35% people decided to further study in 2009, but this number increase to 50% in 2018. In contrast, 50% people decided to go to work in 2009, but now, the number is 35%. In other ways, such as starting a business, still keep balance. As Wang says, the research finds out that college graduates would rather choose pursue study than work.

In my opinion, the reason of this question is not far to seek. With a tight job market, graduates prefer to further study, because it means delaying work. And I believe more and more graduates will choose to further study until the job market becomes better.

评分与评价：

总评分：20分（16-21分档）

评价：

1. 切题性：作文切题，围绕“大学生毕业时的选择”展开，提到了继续深造、就业和创业三种选择，并引用了表格中的数据。
2. 结构完整性：结构较为完整，分为引言、数据分析、原因分析和预测四个部分，但段落之间的衔接不够自然。
3. 思路清晰度：思路基本清晰，但部分表达较为简单，缺乏深度。
4. 语言表达：文字较连贯，但存在较多语法错误和中式英语表达，影响了整体流畅性。
5. 高级表达与复杂句型：尝试使用了一些复杂句型（如“Firstly, the data shows that...”），但句型较为单一，缺乏多样性。

扣分点：

1. 语法错误：

   • “the most important one of your rest of life” → “the most important one in the rest of your life”
   • “the data shows” → “the data show”（主谓一致）
   • “this number increase to 50%” → “this number increased to 50%”
   • “college graduates would rather choose pursue study than work” → “college graduates would rather choose to pursue further study than work”
   • “the reason of this question is not far to seek” → “the reason for this phenomenon is not far to seek”

2. 中式英语与用词不当：

   • “the most popular topic in present-day world” → “a hot topic nowadays”
   • “You need to make a decision that almost the most important one of your rest of life at that time” → “You need to make one of the most important decisions in your life at that time”
   • “still keep balance” → “still keep a balance”

3. 逻辑性不足：

   • “There are some reasons for account of my views.” → 表达不够清晰，逻辑关系不明确。
   • “In other ways, such as starting a business, still keep balance.” → 表达模糊，缺乏具体说明。

4. 缺乏深度：

   • 对继续深造比例上升的原因分析较为表面，未深入探讨如社会压力、就业竞争等更深层次的因素。
   • 预测部分较为简单，未结合具体数据或趋势进行详细分析。

优化建议（如何达到满分）：

1. 修正语法错误：

   • 确保主谓一致、时态正确，避免简单句过多，适当使用复合句。
   • 例如：“The data shows that...” → “The data show that...”

2. 改进中式英语表达：

   • 使用更地道的词汇和句型，避免直译。
   • 例如：“the most popular topic in present-day world” → “a hot topic nowadays”

3. 增强逻辑性：

   • 使用连接词（如“Firstly,” “Secondly,” “Moreover,” “In conclusion,”）使段落衔接更自然。
   • 例如：“Firstly, the data indicate that the proportion of graduates choosing to further study increased from 35% in 2009 to 50% in 2018. Secondly, the percentage of those choosing to work decreased from 50% to 35%.”

4. 深入分析原因：

   • 加入更多具体原因，如社会压力、就业市场竞争、个人发展需求等。
   • 例如：“One key reason for this trend is the increasingly competitive job market, which prompts graduates to enhance their qualifications through further education.”

5. 详细预测趋势：

   • 结合数据或研究结果，预测未来趋势并提出个人看法。
   • 例如：“Given the current economic climate, it is likely that the trend of pursuing further study will continue in the foreseeable future. This shift not only reflects individual career planning but also mirrors societal changes in higher education accessibility.”

优化后的满分作文示例：

Choices College Graduates Make upon Graduation

Nowadays, graduation has become a hot topic in society. Making decisions upon graduation is one of the most important choices graduates will face. Take my friend Wang as an example: he chose to further his studies because he found it difficult to secure a suitable job.

The data reveal interesting trends. In 2009, 35% of graduates opted for further study, while 50% entered the workforce. By 2018, these figures had shifted significantly: 50% chose to study further, while only 35% entered the job market. The proportion of those starting businesses remained stable at 15%. This shift indicates a growing preference for education over immediate employment.

Several factors explain this trend. Firstly, the competitive job market pressures graduates to enhance their qualifications. Secondly, societal expectations and the desire for personal development drive many to pursue higher degrees. Research also shows that advanced degrees often lead to better career prospects and higher salaries.

Looking ahead, I believe this trend will persist. As long as the job market remains challenging, more graduates will likely delay entry into the workforce by studying further. This choice not only benefits individuals but also contributes to societal progress by fostering a more qualified workforce.