ToDo!
Population Transformation in China
Nowadays, it is undeniable that population transformation has almost become the most popular topic in present-day China. Take my friend Wang as an example, who works as a teacher for kids. He often remarks to me that the kids he taught are decreasing by the years. What's your idea as to it?
After 1975, the population below 15 has been decreasing while the population above 65 has been increasing. This means China now has more elderly people than newborn children, which is a very dangerous and unhealthy trend. The elderly need to be cared for, and we require more laborers. However, the labor population between 15 and 64 began to decrease after 2015. Fewer and fewer laborers will be available. What should we do now?
In my opinion, the solution to this problem is not hard to find. The key is to make a proper plan. For instance, providing free education for newborn children and reducing work pressure. As young people, we should find better ways to solve this problem. We need to promote benefits for citizens and raise awareness of our future.
扣分点：
语法错误：
- “the kids he teached are decrease by years”中，“teached”应为“taught”，“decrease”应为“decreasing”，且“by years”应为“by the years”。
- “population below 15 is decrease”应为“the population below 15 has been decreasing”。
- “China have more old people than newborn kids”中，“have”应为“has”，“old people”应为“elderly people”，“newborn kids”应为“newborn children”。
- “Less and Less labors will have”应为“Fewer and fewer laborers will be available”。
用词不当：
- “decrease”可以改为更高级的词汇如“declining”或“reducing”。
- “labors”应为“laborers”。
- “promote benefits for citizens”中的“promote”可以改为更准确的词如“enhance”或“improve”。
表达不够准确：
- “Take my friend Wang as an example”可以改为更自然的表达如“Take my friend Wang, for example”。
- “What's your idea as to it?”可以改为更符合语境的表达如“What do you think of this situation?”。
句式较为简单：
- 文章中缺乏一些复杂句型，如定语从句、状语从句等，影响了文章的语言表达效果。
逻辑连贯性：
- 文章段落之间的过渡不够自然，可以增加一些连接词和过渡句来增强逻辑连贯性。
评分： 18分（属于16-21分档次，切题，结构完整，思路较清晰，文字较连贯，但有一些语法错误，能用些基本运用一些句型。）
评论(0)
暂无