The Popularity of Microblog

Nowadays, it is undeniable that using the microblog has almost become the most popular thing in the present-day world. Take my friend Wang as an example, who has just started to use microblog. He likes to share some photos about his life and some ideas about his interested things. He often remarks to me that he thinks the microblog is a wonderful tool. What's your idea as to it?
There are some reasons for account of my view. To begin with, microblog is a perfect place that you can share everything you want in free. We can't do it when we used facebook, twitter and others before. You can make up your microblog as you like, and it's easy to share your lastest idea just by links.
For my part, the microblog is freedom, we can make it to be our own online notebook. So the key is proper use. As students, we ought to use it wisely. We should promote its benefits and raise the awareness of microblog.

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总分：18分

评价

这篇作文整体上是切题的，结构也比较完整，分为三个部分：描述现象、分析原因、表达个人看法，符合题目要求的三段式结构。文章思路较为清晰，能够围绕微博的流行展开讨论，且每段都有明确的主题。

扣分点

1. 语法错误：
   • “what's your idea as to it” 表达不够准确，应改为 “What do you think of it?” 或 “How about your opinion?”
   • “There are some reasons for account of my view” 中 “for account of” 表达错误，应改为 “for” 或 “behind”
   • “in free” 应改为 “for free”
   • “we used facebook, twitter and others before” 中 “used” 前缺少助动词 “we”，应改为 “we used”
   • “lastest” 拼写错误，应改为 “latest”
   • “the microblog is freedom” 中 “freedom” 应改为 “a symbol of freedom” 或 “free”
   • “make it to be our own online notebook” 中 “to be” 多余，应改为 “make it our own online notebook”
2. 句式较为简单：虽然文章能够表达清楚意思，但句式结构较为简单，缺乏复杂句型的运用，如定语从句、状语从句等，影响了文章的语言层次感。
3. 词汇运用不够准确：部分词汇和短语的运用不够精准，如 “make up your microblog” 中 “make up” 表达不够恰当，应改为 “customize” 或 “design”。
4. 逻辑连贯性有待提高：文章段落之间的衔接较为生硬，缺乏一些过渡句或过渡词，使得整体连贯性稍弱。
   优化建议
5. 修正语法错误：仔细检查并修正上述提到的语法错误，确保句子结构正确。
6. 丰富句式结构：尝试使用更多复杂句型，如定语从句、状语从句、强调句等，提升文章的语言层次。例如：
   • 将 “There are some reasons for account of my view” 改为 “There are several reasons behind this phenomenon.”
   • 使用定语从句： “Microblog, which has become an integral part of our lives, offers a platform for people to share their thoughts and experiences instantly.”
7. 精准词汇运用：选择更贴切的词汇替换原文中不够准确的表达，如将 “make up” 改为 “customize”。
8. 增强逻辑连贯性：在段落之间添加过渡句或过渡词，使文章衔接更加自然流畅。例如：
   • 在第一段结尾添加 “The widespread use of microblog can be attributed to several factors.”
   • 在第二段开头使用 “Firstly,” “Secondly,” 等顺序词，使原因列举更清晰。
9. 增加细节和例子：在分析原因和个人看法时，可以加入更具体的细节和实例，使文章内容更加充实有说服力。比如在讨论微博流行原因时，可以提及它的实时性、互动性等特点，以及一些实际应用场景。
10. 提升语言地道性：尽量使用更地道的英语表达，避免中式英语。可以多阅读一些优秀的英文文章，学习其表达方式和习惯用语。