On the Low-carbon Life

Nowadays, it is undeniable that low-carbon has almost become the most popular question in present-day world. People prefer have a low-carbon life to normal one. Take my friend Wang as an example, he struggled to have a low-carbon life, and he often remarks to me that he feels out of style.

It's important that the low-carbon life is. There are some reasons for account of my view. First, with the low-carbon life, we can make the air more clean. We don't need the mask to breathe anymore. Second, it's good for our environment, not only the plants are around us, but also it's about our earth.

How to have a low-carbon life? For my part, the key is use everything wise. As students, we ought to save water, turn the lights off when we leave. We should promote its benefits and raise the awareness of the low-carbon life.

作文评价

水平评价

这篇作文属于中等水平，基本切题，结构完整，思路较清晰，但存在一些语法错误和表达不够准确的地方。

扣分点

1. 语法错误：

   • "People prefer have a low-carbon life to normal one." 中 "prefer" 后应接动词不定式，即 "prefer to have"。
   • "Take my friend Wang as an example, he struggled to have a low-carbon life..." 中 "Take...as an example" 后应接句子，正确形式应为 "Take my friend Wang as an example, who struggled to have a low-carbon life..."。
   • "It's important that the low-carbon life is." 句式错误，应改为 "It's important that we live a low-carbon life."。
   • "There are some reasons for account of my view." 表达错误，应改为 "There are some reasons for my view."。
   • "First, with the low-carbon life, we can make the air more clean." 中 "more clean" 应改为 "cleaner"。
   • "not only the plants are around us, but also it's about our earth." 中 "not only" 引导的从句语序错误，应改为 "not only the plants around us, but also our earth"。
   • "For my part, the key is use everything wise." 中 "wise" 应改为副词 "wisely"。
   • "turn the lights off when we leave." 中 "the lights off" 中间不需要 "the"，应改为 "turn off the lights"。

2. 表达不够准确或有中式英语：

   • "low-carbon has almost become the most popular question" 中 "question" 使用不当，应改为 "topic"。
   • "he often remarks to me that he feels out of style." 中 "out of style" 表达不够准确，应改为 "out of date" 或 "old-fashioned"。
   • "not only the plants are around us, but also it's about our earth." 表达不够流畅，应改为 "not only benefiting the plants around us, but also protecting our earth"。
3. 用词简单：整体用词较为基础，缺乏一些高级词汇。
4. 句子结构单一：虽然有一些复合句，但整体句子结构较为简单，缺乏多样性和复杂性。
5. 逻辑连贯性：文章整体逻辑较为清晰，但在段落之间的衔接和句子之间的过渡上还可以更自然流畅。

评分

按照评分标准，这篇作文可以给 16 分。

优化建议

1. 修正语法错误：

   • 将 "People prefer have a low-carbon life to normal one." 改为 "People prefer to have a low-carbon life rather than a normal one."
   • 将 "Take my friend Wang as an example, he struggled to have a low-carbon life..." 改为 "Take my friend Wang as an example, who struggled to have a low-carbon life..."
   • 将 "It's important that the low-carbon life is." 改为 "It's important that we live a low-carbon life."
   • 将 "There are some reasons for account of my view." 改为 "There are some reasons for my view."
   • 将 "First, with the low-carbon life, we can make the air more clean." 改为 "First, with the low-carbon life, we can make the air cleaner."
   • 将 "not only the plants are around us, but also it's about our earth." 改为 "not only benefiting the plants around us, but also protecting our earth."
   • 将 "For my part, the key is use everything wise." 改为 "For my part, the key is to use everything wisely."
   • 将 "turn the lights off when we leave." 改为 "turn off the lights when we leave."

2. 提升用词和表达：

   • 将 "low-carbon has almost become the most popular question" 改为 "low-carbon has become one of the most popular topics"
   • 将 "he often remarks to me that he feels out of style." 改为 "he often tells me that he feels out of date."
   • 将 "not only the plants are around us, but also it's about our earth." 改为更高级的表达，如 "not only does it benefit the plants around us, but it also contributes to the protection of our earth."

3. 丰富句子结构：

   • 增加一些定语从句、状语从句、并列句等复杂句型，使文章句子结构更加多样化。例如：
   • 原句："Take my friend Wang as an example, he struggled to have a low-carbon life, and he often remarks to me that he feels out of style."
   • 改进后："Take my friend Wang as an example, who struggled to have a low-carbon life and often tells me that he feels out of date."

4. 增强逻辑连贯性：

   • 在段落之间和句子之间增加一些过渡词和衔接句，使文章更加流畅自然。例如：
   • 在第二段开头可以增加 "There are several compelling reasons why a low-carbon life is of great significance."
   • 在第三段开头可以增加 "When it comes to creating a low-carbon life, there are numerous practical approaches we can adopt."

5. 增加细节和例子：

   • 在阐述低碳生活的重要性时，可以增加一些具体的数据或研究结果来支持观点，使论证更有说服力。例如："According to a recent study, adopting a low-carbon lifestyle can reduce carbon emissions by approximately 30%, which significantly improves air quality and mitigates the adverse effects of climate change."
   • 在介绍如何创建低碳生活时，可以列举更多具体的行动和措施，并适当解释其原理和效果。例如："For instance, choosing public transportation over private cars not only reduces fuel consumption and emissions but also alleviates traffic congestion. Additionally, using energy-saving appliances can cut down electricity usage by up to 40%, which is both environmentally friendly and cost-effective in the long run."

6. 优化开头和结尾：

   • 开头可以更具吸引力，例如引用名言、提出问题或描述现象等。例如："In an era when environmental issues are becoming increasingly prominent, the concept of low-carbon life has gained widespread attention and become a prevailing trend."
   • 结尾可以更具总结性和号召性，例如："In conclusion, embracing a low-carbon life is not merely a lifestyle choice but a responsibility we owe to our planet. By understanding its significance and taking practical actions, we can contribute to a sustainable future and ensure that our earth remains a habitable home for generations to come."

通过以上优化，文章将更加符合高分作文的标准，语言更加准确、丰富、地道，结构更加严谨，论证更加充分有力。