The Impact of Technology on Society

Nowadays, it is undeniable that Technology on Society has almost become the biggest concern of the present-day world. Take my friend Wang as an example, he has just started to use AI tools, and often remarks to me that it's useful. What's your idea as to technology like AI?

There are some reasons to account for my views. To begin with, it makes us work or study easier. On the one hand, we can save a lot of time that we have to spend time on something. The other side of the question is not far to seek. Now technology brings a lot of pressure that wasn't there before. Maybe you can't learn how to use it well, but others can use it. Eventually, you might struggle to do it effectively.

For my part, technology is a really double-edged sword. The key is proper use. As students, we ought use new technology to solve some problems that we can't find the answer before. We should promote its benefits and raise the awareness.

水平分析

这位同学的作文基本切题，围绕“科技对社会的影响”这一主题展开论述，结构较为完整，分为引言、理由阐述和个人观点三个部分。但在语言表达和语法运用上存在较多问题，影响了文章的流畅性和专业性。

扣分点及分值

1. 语言错误（扣5分）：

   • 语法错误，如“we ought use”应为“we ought to use”。（扣2分）
   • 句子结构混乱，如“On the one hand, we can save a lot of time that we have to spend time on something.”表达不够准确且重复啰嗦。（扣2分）
   • 用词不当，如“double-edged sword”前的“an”应为“a”。（扣1分）

2. 表达准确性（扣3分）：

   • 部分句子表达不够准确，如“The other side of the question is not far to seek.”表述较为生硬且不符合英语表达习惯。（扣2分）
   • 有些地方存在中式英语，如“For my part, technology is a really double-edged sword.”中“really”位置不当，应为“a double-edged sword”。（扣1分）

3. 逻辑连贯性（扣3分）：

   • 文章整体逻辑较为松散，段落之间的衔接不够自然，如从理由阐述到个人观点的过渡不够流畅。（扣3分）

总分

根据上述扣分点，总扣分11分，因此作文得分19分。

优化建议

1. 语言润色：

   • 修正语法错误，确保动词时态、单复数形式、冠词使用等准确无误。
   • 改进句子结构，避免冗长和重复，使表达更加简洁明了。例如将“On the one hand, we can save a lot of time that we have to spend time on something.”改为“We can save a lot of time that would otherwise be spent on these tasks.”
   • 精准用词，避免中式英语，使用地道的英语表达。

2. 内容丰富：

   • 在阐述科技带来的便利和进步时，可以增加具体实例，如提及互联网、智能手机等科技对沟通、学习、工作等方面的具体影响。
   • 对于科技引发的问题和挑战，也可列举如隐私泄露、信息安全、就业结构变化等具体问题，使论述更具说服力。

3. 逻辑提升：

   • 加强段落之间的衔接，使用适当的过渡词和短语，使文章逻辑更加连贯。例如在从正面影响过渡到负面影响时，可以使用“However, alongside these benefits come certain challenges.”等过渡句。
   • 在个人观点部分，可以进一步深化观点，提出更具建设性的建议或展望，如如何平衡科技的利与弊，如何提高公众的科技素养等。

通过以上优化，作文的语言表达将更加准确、流畅和地道，内容更加丰富有深度，逻辑更加清晰连贯，有望达到满分水平。